Christmas has been a favourite season for me. The preparation, the anticipation, and especially the almost two whole weeks of uninterrupted family time.

Now as I sit here on the edge of December, I desperately want to fast forward through it all. Through the cookie baking, tree trimming, and gift wrapping; skip the concerts, and carol singing; mute all the “Merry Christmases” and holiday greetings. Just because it hurts so much.

I look ahead to a month where everything is a reminder that I will never be whole again. That our family is broken. That there is a great loneliness in our home. And I am so overwhelmed.

And even though MY reality does not change the beauty of what Christmas is about, it is a constant reminder that from here out every memory made will be without Colin and Madeline.