Didn’t Make It

There are no new pictures of you to post today. No current stories to share through laughter. No man across the breakfast table to celebrate. No father present to dote on.

There is this ache in my heart today that is different. As if I am finally able to cry the tears I could not on that day almost five years ago. That moment I asked why no one was helping my husband and a stranger answered me with, “He didn’t make it honey.” The further time separates me from that statement it is as though it’s echo is on an infinite loop; and, instead of becoming more faint, it grows in volume and urgency.

My boys are still a ways from filling their fathers shoes. Yet not far from bringing him into new photos or making him a part of current stories told with laughter. Almost like that heartbreaking echo is paralleled in them. Just as loud and compelling.

“He is here Mom! Dad did make it because we are alive.”

6 thoughts on “Didn’t Make It

  1. Hi, Leanne. This is my first Father’s Day without my husband of 46 years. He moved to heaven in November 19. I just wanted to pop on here and say that your words/posts here and on Facebook have been a blessing to me as I have been processing. Totally different scenarios and yet so many similarities. Thanks for sharing honestly. Praying that God is carrying you today,,,

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    • I am so sorry Colleen. And my heart aches with you as you survive this year of firsts. 💔❤️ thank you for reminding me why I do this. I often forget and wonder if it is worth the effort.

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  2. Dear Leanne thank you for posting this. Praying this Father’s Day for you and your boys. Collin was such a large presence whenever we’d meet him at the school. Such a wonderful man so very much missed but never forgotten. Hugs 💕🙏 barb Benson

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Leanne, I am a faithful reader of your posts. Know, please, that my heart cries with you as your grief continues. I ,truly, cannot fully understand but I do know that , for you, it is still painful and probably always will be. I wish that there was a quick fix but unfortunately, that doesn’t exist. Just want you to know that I care, and I think about you and the boys often as you journey through life without Colin’s physical presence. I admire you, my dear, your strength, love and resilience. God Bless You Every Day 💕 Lovingly. Aunt Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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